Copyright (c) 2007 Jennifer Koretsky

There is one very specific type of movie that I just cant watch because I get too upset. I call it a Dont Take My Baby movie.

Im sure youre familiar with this type of movie. The most common plot line is: Couple finds out they cant have baby and adopts. Couple loves baby very much and experience great joy until babys birth parents challenge adoption and try to get baby back.

Other variations include:

* Gay partner dies and court wont allow non-biological parent to keep the baby.

* Parents find out baby was switched at birth and isnt theirs.

* Mother has been looking for missing baby for years, and refuses to believe baby is dead. Mother finds baby, but baby has a new life and doesnt remember mother.

* Father loves baby dearly, mother goes to jail, father learns baby isnt really his and loses custody.

The plot possibilities for Dont Take My Baby movies are endless. These movies are often, but not always, played on the Lifetime network. (Otherwise known in pop culture as Lifetime Movies.) However, these plots can also be easily adopted on network dramas, although they usually arent as emotional.

The problem with Dont Take My Baby movies is that I cant handle them emotionally. I dont even have a baby yet, but somehow the concept of having ones baby taken away has driven me to hysterics ever since I can remember.

I fully realize that there is an element here that sounds absolutely crazy and you may be wondering why I chose to make this a topic for the newsletter. Well, believe it or not, this does relate to adult ADD and heres how: adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) tend to be extremely emotionally sensitive. We often lose it emotionally over sad movies, sappy commercials, or distressing news stories.

Sure, Dont Take My Baby movies are always meant to be tearjerkers. But most people can have themselves a good cry and get over it. Adults with ADD are often slower to bounce back.

Because we have a high level of empathy and compassion, we can take on the pain of others (real or scripted) to such a high degree that it sends us down a path of extreme emotional disturbance and spiraling negative thoughts. This, in turn, leads to more stress and the potential to become overwhelmed.

And, as I always say, the more stressed out and overwhelmed you are, the harder it is to manage your ADD.

In order to avoid this scenario, we have to protect ourselves with some solid boundaries. For example, I no longer let myself watch Dont Take My Baby movies. I also wont watch documentaries about genocide, sick children, or people with terminal illnesses. I simply cant handle it and I know that watching these things is guaranteed to send me down a bad path.

You may find that in order to keep from falling into the trap of extreme emotions, you need to:

* Avoid watching the news.

* Make certain types of movies or shows off-limits.

* Steer clear of certain topics of conversation.

And when all else fails and you find yourself empathizing just a little too much, try to:

Remember that everyone has their challenges in life. You dont need to take on someone elses in addition to your own.

Talk out how you feel. Journal about it if you have no one that you can talk to in the moment.

Explore what it is about someone elses situation that hits you hard enough to be upsetting. Does it trigger a sadness in you that you havent yet dealt with?

Draw a line between pity and empathy. Having compassion and being able to imagine yourself in anothers shoes is very different--and much more helpful and productive--than feeling sorry for them or taking on their pain.

Most importantly, remember that you cant effectively care for others until you care for yourself. And this sometimes means avoiding emotional traps on television or in the movies.

So the next time youre flipping the channels and happen upon a Dont Take My Baby movie, think of me bawling my eyes out over a poorly-written and badly-acted movie. Then change the channel.